Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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