i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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