I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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