oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
