My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
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