They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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