omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
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