Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
