you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
