I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
