I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
