I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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