did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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