White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
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