He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
