I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
did i walk over a car last night?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
