You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Randomize
