How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
