My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Randomize
