I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Randomize
