hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
