I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Randomize
