just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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