I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
