Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
