I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
