genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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