help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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