dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
