captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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