The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize