I hope mine doesn't look like that
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
