He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
