I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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