I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
