He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
