If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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