I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
