Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
