Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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