true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
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