I wanna passion pit in your ass
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
