dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Randomize
