I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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