It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
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