If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
my sisters under your porch take her home
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
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