cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
