im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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