He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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