i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
