that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
