i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize