i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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