i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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