She is in my trunk
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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