We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
