it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
