Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
