I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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