did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
my vag is so smooth its legendary
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
