"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
