i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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