and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
