then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
