Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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