I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
