Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
