I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Randomize
