do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
