You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
