Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
