Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
