You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
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