I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
