Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
