I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
