I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
