i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
