have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
