his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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