I think I just saw someone hide a body.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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