They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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