Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
