whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
