I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
