oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
