shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
operation harelip BJ is a go
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize