Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
