So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
