Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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