Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
