im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
