YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I got inside last night via doggy door
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
