the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
