I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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