There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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