It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize