So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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