look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
he had hair everywhere except his balls
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
