I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Randomize
