Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
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