Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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